Why You Shouldn’t Say “Committed Suicide.”
The act of suicide carries cultural and religious baggage that shifts the focus from a person’s ailment and suffering to our collective ignorance and biases.
Some religions have long held that suicide is a mortal sin. Those who take their own life will be rejected from whatever heaven we aspire to ascend to. One could argue that such doctrines were based on ignorance or altruism, but today, frankly, it’s irrelevant.
The fact remains that the fear of a family member who ended their life – for whatever reason – was doomed to spend eternity in purgatory, hell, or some other place not desirable by society only served to create and perpetuate stigma. That stigma has contributed to most of us not speaking about the disease of mental illness openly and honestly, and that’s had the opposite effect than such dogma tries to effect.
The fact that 1 million people die by suicide annually and that the numbers continue to grow proves that we’ve been doing something wrong. Stigmatizing suicide has not worked to prevent it.
I’m not picking on religion; this is a cultural issue as much as a religious one.
A University of Illinois study by Aruna Jha, Ph.D., highlights the differences in historical attitudes and behaviours among different cultural groups. She states that while African Americans consider suicide – and even suicidal ideation – is strictly taboo, many Asian cultures think suicide “understandable” if a person’s actions added shame to the family. Yet, suffering from mental illnesses that could lead to suicide is a blight on the family reputation.
In other words, be it for religious or cultural reasons, mental illness and suicide have been stigmatized. And since our laws and societal norms are based on those same beliefs, we’ve criminalized suicide. Thus the term “committed suicide.”
Saying that someone committed suicide implies a crime.
The term is loaded with shame and stigma, which further isolates those who have lost someone to the disease or keeps those suffering in silence from getting help.
Jacke Debiec, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan, confirms that “the term ‘committed suicide’ is damaging because for many, if not most, people it evokes associations with ‘committed a crime’ or ‘committed a sin’ and makes us think about something morally reprehensible or illegal.”
When asked how my son died, I often say he died from depression or because of depression. Suicide was the result of that illness. When I do reference suicide, I’d stated he died by suicide or died by suicide after a battle with depression.
It’s not for selfish reasons. Sure, growing up in European Catholic culture, suicide was always seen as a sin. A fact that, despite my knowledge and experience today, still evokes shameful thoughts. And so, I try to avoid those whenever possible.
I’m not trying to be politically correct or sound “woke” in attempting to change the way we speak. I am trying to change the use of the term on behalf of all of us who have lost a child, sibling, or parent to suicide because:
- It further heightens the trauma we experience when the concept that our loved one committed a sin or a crime is tied to the loss of their life.
- It shifts the focus from the illness to the act, which prevents us from collectively looking at the causes, opening up dialogue, and healing.
- It perpetuates the stigma, which prevents those struggling with suicidal ideations from admitting their suffering and getting the help they need.
If you’ve not suffered or lost a loved one to suicide, it may not seem like a big deal, but for the rest of us: Words matter.
We can make a difference by being mindful of how we speak about suicide and those we’ve lost to it.
You’re not alone. Let’s walk this journey together.
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
