Surviving Suicide – Those Left Behind
This idea for this blog started when someone suggested that my next tattoo should be a semicolon.
The semicolon has become a symbol of surviving suicide. Grammatically, the character is used when an author could end a sentence but realizes there’s a second part or more to add and chooses to continue the thought. The symbolism is clear, we have a life that we could decide to end, but when we’ve considered it and don’t, we’re adding a semicolon to our life story.
I mentioned that (at the time) I had not considered ending my life, that it was my son who died by suicide. I won’t share the personal details of her response; the long and short of her reply was that those of us who have lost a child, sibling, or even a parent to suicide are uniquely traumatized. It’s a grief that goes beyond anything experienced by the loss of a child to a physical disease such as cancer or an accident such as a car collision, horrible as that is.
Those of us who have lost a child to suicide deal with a unique combination of guilt, anger, confusion, and often, shame. What could we have done to stop them? Why did they choose to leave us? What did I do wrong? I should have known or seen it sooner. I should have been there earlier.
Our loved ones made a fateful decision due to their illness or trauma, and their suffering ended; our suffering has just begun, and it doesn’t end.
We are “suicide survivors” because we live with that toxic mix of guilt, sadness, confusion, and anger for the rest of our lives. We have no answers to the many questions or resolutions to the conflicts in our minds and souls that may help us to heal.
Sam Fiorella
Suicide was a moment in time for them but a lifetime affliction for those of us left behind. We did not attempt to end our lives, but we are surviving suicide.
Understanding this grief – and how to better manage it (as it never goes away) – is why I created this blog.
While SuicideSurvivorsGuide.com is a personal project designed to help me chart a path to acceptance and living with the grief, I hope it will support those of you out there also trying to find a way forward.
You’re not alone. Let’s walk this journey together.
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
